I Won’t Give Up
May 17th, 2012 | 
Author: Flying in a jet, high in the sky, the beauty that surrounds us is breathtaking. It’s in that moment I realize everything I’ve done in life was for a reason, a purpose. Lately I’ve found myself second guessing things I do because I allow someone to cloud my judgment of what I know in my heart is right. People are cruel. Mean. Heartless. Jealous. They take others lives and intimidate them with fear, doubt, lies…usually over a situation they know nothing about. The trouble is that people aka friends become jealous and choose to allow that to ruin other people’s lives, they may think they are looking out for their friends but in reality they are only creating pain and heartache. No one knows what other people are going through and none of us have the right to pass judgment on others out of jealousy, hatred, drama or lies. We spend too much time worrying about what others think and do when we should be focusing on who we really are.
I spend too much time living in the “what if” and need to learn to live in the “what is!”
I made a really stupid mistake yesterday that may have caused me to lose someone who is very special to me and who I love with all of my heart because I was living in the “what if” instead of “what is” I got so caught up in allowing the flaws of others to enable me that I failed to see what really matters. I began to worry about what others were saying and thinking when in the realm of things, it’s not about what they think but ALL about what it truly is. People are always going to talk but that doesn’t mean I allow them to steal my happiness, or make me feel guilty. I don’t. I’m proud of where I am. I’ve come a long way and I won’t give up…..
As I sit here in this court room waiting to finalize and hopefully close a chapter of my life, I find I have a lot I would like to say. Starting with “I’m sorry” to the one who means the world to me but I may never have that chance….I challenge each of you to live for today, don’t live in the past, because then we miss out on tomorrow. I may have missed my tomorrow, don’t miss yours.
There couldn’t be a better song right now that says what my heart feels……because sometimes there are no words left to say.
~ROBIN
Posted in 
Tags: 
A Time for Everything…..
I’ve been living my life looking through the rear view mirror the past two years. I’ve lived in self pity, consumed by grief and not even allowing myself to think that at some point, I must let go. It was like I dared my heart to even think it could move on without my permission, that it could let go, lay it down and never pick it back up. I lived on a roller coaster of emotions that not only toyed with my mind and emotions but those of my children and friends as well. Until, something suddenly clicked. I think the brunette side of me had argued enough with the blonde side and finally said “chill out, she’s GOT THIS” LOL! All joking aside though, a chain of events the past few days snapped me back into reality and suddenly I found the strength and courage to grab hold and “let go” it’s past time, I can’t live in the past any longer, the future holds too much and if I don’t stop looking through that rear view mirror, I’m gonna miss what’s right in front of me and hit a roadblock that allows me to go nowhere. That’s not going to happen, I choose NOW to let go.
Grief is like cancer. It grabs hold and penetrates every fiber of your life. It paralyzes you. It breaks you. It consumes you. Grief is normal but we can allow it to hold us back and like cancer, basically steal our life or we can choose to stand tall, fight and LIVE.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Today. I said goodbye. I let go. I found peace.
I can shed tears that he is gone, or I can smile because he lived. I can close my eyes and pray that he comes back to me, or I can open my eyes and see all he left behind. My heart can be empty because I can’t see him, or I can be full of the love we shared. I can turn my back on tomorrow and live in yesterday, or I can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. I can remember him and only that he is gone, or I can cherish the memories and let them live on. I can cry and close my mind, be empty and turn my back on those who love me and want to help me get through my grief, or I can do what he would want me to do….SMILE, open my eyes, Love and go on.
I’m going on…..
Making Pancakes…..
Sometimes life gets hectic and in the process, we lose sight of the things that are most important. We often get so caught up in our own little world that we forget those around us and we don’t share love like God wants us too. As for me, I’ve been so caught up in grief, worry and stress that I’ve almost let happiness and life itself elude me….
God brought sunshine into my life again in a way I never expected. He showed me that through death we can and should live again, just because we lose someone we love does not mean that our life is over, it means that we cherish the memories and move ahead making new memories. We grieve and that’s expected but I’ve suffocated myself and my boys for 2 years now, I felt that it was wrong of me to have fun, move on, laugh, or even begin to enjoy a new life, but in a moment, He brought special friends into our lives to show us that life does go on, and in these moments I learned that my life is not over, that Tony would expect us to enjoy life just as he did, and through the legacy he left behind we need to let that light shine brightly for everything that he gave us while he was here on this earth, he was a wonderful husband, father, best friend and mentor, we will never forget him but it’s up to us now to take the legacy he left us and make him proud, to live our lives, find peace and happiness, cherish the old and make new.
Memories are good. This sweet little story is just another reason we should live life with happiness, be thankful for what we have and never allow the simple things in life to pass us by!
Six year-old Zachary decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents and big brother pancakes. He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the counter, opened the cupboard and pulled out the heavy flour canister, spilling it on the floor.
He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten.
Zachary was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this to be something very good for Mom, Dad, and bubba, but it was getting very bad.
He didn’t know what to do next, whether to put it all into the oven or on the stove and he didn’t know how the stove worked!. Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away, knocking the egg carton to the floor.
Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs, getting his pajamas white and sticky.
And just then he saw Dad standing at the door. Big crocodile tears welled up in Zachary’s eyes. All he’d wanted to do was something good, but he’d made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was coming, maybe even a spanking. But his father just watched him.
Then, walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged him and loved him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the process!
That’s how God deals with us.. We try to do something good in life, but it turns into a mess. Marriages get all sticky, or we lose a loved one or we insult a friend, or we can’t stand our job, or our health goes sour or we don’t know who we are anymore or we feel we are a burden to others. Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can’t think of anything else to do. That’s when God picks us up and loves us and forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him. But just because we might mess up, we can’t stop trying to “make pancakes” for God or for others.
Sooner or later we’ll get it right, and then they’ll be glad we tried…
I was thinking, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that need rekindling or three words needing to be said, sometimes, “I love you” can heal & bless! Remind every one of your friends that you love them. Even if you think they don’t love back, you would be amazed at what those three little words, a smile, and a reminder like this can do.
Just in case I haven’t told any of my friends or family lately… I LOVE YOU!!! And if there is anything I might have done to hurt you, I am truly sorry!
Pass some of this love on to others….suppose one morning you were called home to God; do all your friends and family know you love them?
Oh and by the way, never stop “making pancakes.”
Time…..
I must admit that after going over and over this story, it even brought tears to my eyes….and just reinforces to me, a lesson that I always try to pass on to everyone I know, in this age of commercialism, we don’t need “things” all the time, there is so much more that people value, in this blog you will know what I am talking about after reading this inspirational and touching story.
“Thanks For Your Time”
Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.
“Jack, did you hear me?”
“Oh sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It’s been so long since I thought of him. I’m sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago,” Jack said.
“Well, he didn’t forget you. Every time I saw him he’d ask how you were doing. He’d reminisce about the many days you spent over ‘his side of the fence’ as he put it,” Mom told him.
“I loved that old house he lived in,” Jack said.
“You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man’s influence in your life,” she said.
“He’s the one who taught me carpentry,” he said. “I wouldn’t be in this business if it weren’t for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important… Mom, I’ll be there for the funeral,” Jack said.
As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser’s funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.
The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.
Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time.
The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture… Jack stopped suddenly.
“What’s wrong, Jack?” his Mom asked.
“The box is gone,” he said.
“What box?” Mom asked.
“There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he’d ever tell me was ‘the thing I value most,’” Jack said.
It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.
“Now I’ll never know what was so valuable to him,” Jack said. “I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom.”
It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. “Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days,” the note read.
Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention.
“Mr. Harold Belser” it read.
Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack’s hands shook as he read the note inside.
“Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It’s the thing I valued most in my life.” A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filled his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.
Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved:
“Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser.”
“The thing he valued most…was…my time.”
Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. “Why?” Janet, his assistant asked.
“I need some time to spend with my son,” he said. “Oh, by the way, Janet… thanks for your time!”
A Different Kind of Tree
Do you remember the classic children’s book, The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein?
In that book there’s a tree that loves a little boy. The boy spends his childhood playing with the tree and as the boy gets older the tree never stops giving. When the boy needs money the tree gives him apples to sell. When the boy needs a house the tree gives the boy its branches. When the boy wants a boat the tree gives up its trunk. Finally, when the boy is old, the tree offers its stump to the boy and the boy sits and rests…“and the tree was happy”.
When I think about that LEVEL of giving, I think about Tony.
Just like the giving tree my husband never stopped giving to me, the boys and others. To be honest, he is still giving even though he is no longer with us.
Looking back on life with Tony, I realize his apples were the resources he provided; his branches were the lessons he taught me on being a “godly” husband and father; his trunk/boat was his wisdom about navigating the world and his stump was our home; a place to sit, eat something sweet, share, love, live and laugh.
Tony’s example is the best example I have of Christ’s servant heart.
It takes a tremendous amount of selflessness to consistently put others first. Philippians 2:3-7 describes Christ’s servant style.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant.
This example of selfless giving is what Tony learned from the Lord and it is the pattern I can only hope to emulate.
We should always remember to be giving trees for others. Giving all we can with joyful hearts and servant hands.
Thanks Tony for what you taught me not only about giving but about loving. My life was richly blessed because YOU were a part of it. Now it’s my turn to “give and love” just as you taught me. You would be proud that I was not only learning from you but “listening”
~Robin
Bedrock Reality.
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
-Exodus 14:14
That is so hard, just to be still and trust. I was reading my devotional this morning and ran across this:
God is neither shut up nor shut out of any place.
I have to admit that losing my Dad, having a kidney removed due to cancer, then three years later losing my husband to colon cancer have been some of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. And not only the cancer, but the many other things I am going through right now. Not because I don’t trust that God is still God, not because I don’t believe that He is still able to do what He says he will do. But merely because I am human.
I have fears.
And I believe He knows every. single. one.
I fear the cancer coming back. I fear a life that robs me of my daily abilities. I fear not being able to do the things that I do now with my boys. I fear making all the wrong decisions. I fear even making the right decisions and the path they may take.
But then Christ grabs me up by the heart and yanks me to his arms and says “Be still, I am here. Why do you doubt me?”
It’s a funny place for a four year cancer survivor, feeling so healthy yet knowing that there is a great possibility you are going to die.(Who isn’t, right?) And although I don’t dwell on it very often, It is not often far from my mind.
Because remember, I am human.
I have to constantly remind myself of that, because so many times so many Christians try to be “super -human”. They put on plastic smiles and bright red capes and seem to just float through every obstacle placed in front of them. But I believe that deep down inside, they are so hurting and so lonely. I refuse to do that. I refuse to go through this experience and not take the opportunity to really feel. Really learn.
Really trust.
Courage is the knowledge of how to fear what ought to be feared and how NOT to fear what ought NOT to be feared.
I want that type of courage. I want to be still and know that You are near. Forgive me for doubting, for second guessing, for losing faith in the One that has been so faithful to me during this time.
Draw me back. Draw me in.
I will be still.
All of the above came to me in the quiet, calm of my morning. I’ve been so confused, torn, hurt the past couple of weeks that it’s consumed me enough that my brain has been on major overload. That can be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. Usually it’s not good but at least I know my brain is working, right? LOL. As I was blogging this morning, I heard an uplifting song by Nicole C Mullens, it was “One Touch”
I had never heard this song, as I listened I cried – I cried as I heard the words, how beautiful and touching they were to me and what I had been through because I had that one touch, He touched me and made me whole through His love, He sought me out and took away my madness, it moved me passionately. In that “still” moment, I realized just how blessed I truly was. How through heartache and pain I had found strength. Rarely do we get second chances and when we do, we should ALWAYS make the most of it, for in every journey we travel, God prepared it for us. His will. His reasoning. His plan. His purpose. His everything.
I’ve been given that second chance. To be happy, love, give, cherish, hug, touch, smile, laugh, cry, and LIVE. I aim to make the BEST of it and I won’t allow anyone or anything to hold me back. God has placed me exactly where I am for a reason. I can’t change that. I don’t want too. Because you see, in the still of the moment, I realized the reason I have been so confused, moody, grumpy, and trying to pull myself out of these feelings is because I LOVE the reason God has brought me to where I am. It’s as simple as that. I don’t understand why but He does, God doesn’t make mistakes, IT IS WHAT IT IS. For the first time in days, I’m not confused anymore, and I’m GOOD with that.
Because you see….”Life is very interesting…in the end, some of your greatest pains, become your greatest strengths”
I believe – I believe in prayer, I believe in healing, I believe in second chances, I believe…..
~Robin
Letting Go……
Life isn’t always what we want it to be but the most important thing is to always ENJOY each day, living, laughing and loving.
Lately, I’ve dealt with a situation in my life that has me feeling like hash browns at Waffle House, scattered, covered, chunked….exciting huh? Yeah, I thought so too 
This morning about 5am I decided to go for a run to see if I could clear my head, it was a great run, not as good as the others I’ve had this week but it’s amazing how that early in the morning God can really clear your head and heart….if we only l i s t e n.
I know EVERYTHING I have done has been for God’s glory and His gentle nudge on my shoulder tells me each day that I am right where I need to be however I am tired of being hurt, confused, unhappy, trying too hard only to get slapped in the face time after time, I feel used and I know it’s truly not like that but it’s there…I know this is God’s will for my life, but I can’t keep living this way, it’s slowly destroying me, making me bitter, angry and miserable. That’s not how I want to feel anymore. I want the happy that this has brought me deep down inside, the aching to connect, the closeness, the desire to make things better but I decided this morning that it was time to let go…..just let go and walk away. I know this is not what God wants and He will convict me for it. I will boldly stand and take His “whoopin’” because I just can’t take what I am doing to me anymore so why not let go and let God.
I don’t want to walk away. I don’t. In two years, 1 month, and 4 days I have NOT had this overwhelming happiness. I hate to let it go but I don’t know what else to do. My heart is torn. My emotions are all over the place and quite frankly, I should NOT even feel this way, this is upside-down CrAzY 
But I like it, just not what it’s doing to me.
I have a BIG decision to make between now and Tuesday. A lot of it rides on how I am treated between now and then but MOST of it will be determined by where God leads me. I’m ready. I’m waiting. It’s YOUR call, Lord.
~Robin
tUrBuLeNcE
I’m not the best person to be around lately. Ask my boys, or anyone for that matter, they can tell you.
A situation in my life has me turned upside down. I don’t like it. But God has me here for a reason and I can’t tell God to take me away from His will, can I? Of course not! I can tell Him, I don’t like it but that’s not going to change anything. He brings every trial, good or bad into our lives for a reason. Sometimes the reason may not be made known right away or may never be known…that’s God call, not mine to make. My job is to do His will without complaining, whining, being angry or trying to run, and honestly within His will is where I want to be. Always.
Here’s the part that gets hard 
If I want to be within His will then why am I miserable? It’s not because I am doing God’s will, it’s because of the emotions that come with His plan for my life at this time. I can honestly say that I have been trying to run…run as far away as I could but you know what? It doesn’t help. God seems to diligently lay “His will” on my heart every. day. I beg, I plead, I cry out to Him…”Lord, must I endure this” The answer is the same, “Yes, My child” You may not see the works of My hands now but with time, you will see your good and faithful deeds come to fruition and My purpose for you in this present situation will be revealed. So, I wait.
But it’s hard to be the enemy. I feel broken and used. Sad and alone. Confused and angry. So many emotions have me bound yet at the same time I find comfort in knowing that I’m where I need to be and doing not only what I should be doing but what I WANT to do! This is also one of those times you realize the “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink” theory is true. This horse isn’t going to drink anytime soon, I’m pretty sure of that…LOL!
And why is it that the ones we help out, love and care for avoid and ignore us? Why is it that because we do something good, we are punished? I have yet to figure that one out. I think what hurts the most is that I’m tossed aside as though I am garbage, useless, unworthy, filth…..yet we can talk to everyone else even some who look and act like actual “trash!” Wow, isn’t that amazing?? But yet again, I find the Lord saying to me, “You are doing My will, trust in Me and I will give you rest. So, I trust.
We all handle things differently. I’m okay with that. If we were all the same, life would be boring but that doesn’t mean we have to hurt the ones who help, care and love us. It doesn’t mean that we look around to find whatever we can to satisfy and quench our pain and bitterness. It doesn’t mean we knock one another down because of our trials….
It means that we must pick up our feet, hold our head high and look forward to what’s ahead, we can’t live in our present situation of doom and gloom, for God expects us to trust in Him, for He knows the plans He has for our lives and nothing we do or say can or ever will change that. We can’t run from God. Never. So, I accept His will.
I wait.
I trust.
I accept His will.
But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
The Real Reason He Suffered….
As I watched the nurse draw blood, and then use a cotton ball to wipe up the blood that trickled down my arm, I thought about what today means in so many ways. Having blood drawn has never bothered me but as I watched that blood trickle down into the vial my thoughts went to Jesus and the suffering He endured, trying to imagine having to wear a crown of thorns….
And then all it took was one measly thorn prick to get me in tears.
Today is Good Friday. I didn’t think I would be affected like this. But just thinking about that one needle prick hurt a lot.
Mostly, emotionally.
Because it was only one thorn. One out of, like, a hundred. One condemning thorn that confirmed what I’d spent my whole life denying:
That if it had been me…
I never could have made it all the way to the cross.
I couldn’t have endured a whole crown.
I couldn’t have been silent in the face of the crowd’s abuse.
I couldn’t have borne Judas’ betrayal, couldn’t have stood still for his kiss.
If it had been me, I would have called the whole thing off the first time Peter said he didn’t know me.
I would have jumped off the cross long before a sword pierced my side, long before “it is finished.”
The truth is, sometimes we don’t want to think about the physical torture that our precious Jesus went through for us. We watch The Passion of the Christ and are wrecked, literally sick, over it.
But sometimes we’d rather think about that than the other kind of torture he endured on that day.
After all, whips ripping flesh and nails piercing skin don’t make Christ’s death significant. Not really. Two other men were crucified right next to him—bodies also left to suffocate on crude pieces of wood, to push up on torn tendons and gasp for air, to slump down and choke; a cycle they repeated until dead.
Crucifixion was a form of execution in those days. Violent, shameful, extreme—but not unheard of. And if all we do is talk about how bad it was for Jesus’ body, we miss the whole point.
The real suffering on the cross was when the Father turned away from the Son and strapped our sin on Jesus’ back and inflicted the punishment that sin deserves and we’ll never know.
Those other men may have shed blood that day, but they didn’t bear my sin on their shoulders; they didn’t endure their Father’s wrath. They didn’t save my life.
The reason we bow before Jesus is because he could have jumped off that cross, but didn’t. He could have shoved our noses in our own filth and said, “Fine, save yourselves.” But instead he moaned for us. He begged God for us.
He breathed, “Forgive them.”
If Jesus’ death were just about physical suffering, it wouldn’t mean anything. But because that one act bridged the gap our sin put between us and God, it means everything.
It means that he was despised and rejected by men so we would never be despised or rejected.
It means that he became sin so we could be free from sin.
It means that he gave his life so we could have life everlasting.
It. Means. Everything.
So when I think about the cross, I mourn over the physical suffering of the Savior. But I get on my face and weep at the thought that he endured my punishment. That he stayed on that cross until dead—making the resurrection possible. That he never once turned back but instead said to His Father, “Not my will, but Yours be done.” That he bore the suffering and endured the shame and paid the price and defeated it all—to the end of eternal glory.
And my eternal salvation.
“It” Happens
When you stop and think, long and hard about the things that pass our way, we must remember……
“Crap Happens”
Sometimes it’s the normal nice and easy good crap, and sometimes we get stuck with the nasty bubbly squirts that tear your insides up and have us having to drink the pink stuff. But still….crap happens, you gotta deal with it and pray it don’t come back up and bite you in the booty. Deal with it and keep it pushing. . . . .Crying gets us nothing but a headache and a wet face.
I’ve got my “crap” under control, I can be changed by it but I refused to be reduced by it.
~Robin
Trust Me
